GrandFather of Nature by Olivia Madore

COVID has been taking a toll on everyone. I remember when the CDC first advised us  to start stocking up on things we would need. I remember thinking, “ I doubt this will affect me.”  Then, in April, my eighty-five-year-old grandfather died of a heart attack. It’s always tough when  losing a family member, but was a lot more than that.  
 My grandfather would visit us every Sunday afternoon for ten years straight. He would  have been eighty-six in September. He was much admired in his hometown, Van Buren, where  he lived his whole life. Everyone knew him, and because of him, everyone knew me and my  family. Despite him knowing all these people, he died alone in a nursing home.  

He was an extremely sociable man, yet he died alone. Because of COVID, we couldn’t  visit him for about a month before he died. We say now, that we would have gladly worn a  hazmat suit just to see and hug him… I wished we did. He was so blessed and lived a fulfilling  life. His obituary nearly took up a full newspaper page, and it still wasn’t enough to explain how  beautiful his life was. So, why did God do this to such a beautiful man? Through time I realized  that he didn’t want him to suffer anymore. Being alone and sad.

After his death, I began to forget the world’s beauty, and in the way people talk and live.  The wound of my grandfather dying will never heal. Writing this has been hard to focus on why  I’m writing this. You truly never know what you had until it’s gone.

I was never much connected to nature when I was young. I never bothered to notice  things about nature. I was, unfortunately, of those“you-have-to tell-me-there-is-something-to-do outside” type of kid, it was tough because I truly live in the middle of nowhere, I didn’t live in  town where all my friends were. But I always love winter. The coldest, the sparkly snow, snow falling outside my window and the frost on my window, it just has always been my favorite time  of the year. I have my grandfather to thank for that.

My grandfather’s house had two driveways, and those driveways became race tracks,  shovels became sleds, and rock piles became mountains. My grandfather pulled me on those  sleds, pushed me down those mountains, and made race car sounds while he was speed-walking  on ice up and down those driveways just to see me smile and to hear me laugh. I obviously never  wanted it to end, but the comfort of knowing it was time well-spent reminds me time is precious.   My grandfather’s love for nature was seasonless. When my grandmother was still alive,  his wife, he grew a garden. Pumpkins, tomatoes, carrots, lettuce, and even rhubarb. He would  also go hiking and bird watching during that time as well. He was very much connected to  nature. He enjoyed it, and would talk about his hikes and what he saw during those hikes during  the remainder of the time after he stopped hiking.

In the front yard, grew a beautiful tree that bloomed soft pink flowers every summer. It’s  chopped down now because it was too big and too close to the house. I remember being sad  when we went to visit one day and the tree was no longer there. I remember it being in full  bloom with a cascade of petals on the ground on the day of my brother’s high school graduation  party we had at my grandfather’s house. Minor, but big details to me. I always found beauty  around my grandfather’s house. It was such a small house with only one tree and a few small  pines to mark where his land ended and his neighbor’s started. I never thought of the beauty  around my own house even though I’m surrounded by woods.

His house is sold now. Someone asked me the other day, “How do you feel about that?” I  was honestly taken aback. I’d been forgetting how important that house was to me.

I used to hate the sun in the afternoon. So hot, too hot. I never laid down on the green and  looked up at the sky. I now find great wonder and inspiration from the clouds. How do they stay  up there? How are they formed? Why that shape? Not to say I don’t know why, but to say it takes  me by surprise how amazing and beautiful and interesting the sky and clouds are and I never  knew until now. Calming and reassuring that there are still wonderful beauty.

I’m seventeen now, and I’m growing to understand more about life. I’m finding out more  about myself. I want to express myself and communicate who I am. I plan to continue seeing the  beauty and serenity of nature around me. I continually see my grandfather everywhere, a wave  ripples, a bird sings, and the moon shines brightly so I can see where I’m going in the darkness. I  wouldn’t give up this feeling--inspiration and wonder for the world. Though I would give up the  world to have him here with us, I’m grateful I get to see him this way, in the beauty of nature.   When the sun rises and sets, I believe it’s my grandfather smiling. When it’s windy and  the wind wraps around me it’s him giving me a hug. Windy days are my favorite. I strongly  believe the reason I have evolved and got involved with nature is because of him.

My grandfather’s nickname was "blanc," which is french is white. He was the blondest  child in his family of eleven. A white butterfly landed on my cheek about a month ago and I had  been waiting for that moment since he died. It was him.

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