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Why I Am Not Using the Side Door Right Now

Today's poem is Why I Am Not Using the Side Door Right Now by Chloe Martin. It is read by Samaa Abdurraqib.

Why I Am Not Using the Side Door Right Now

The song sparrow found the nest robins built three years ago
that I hadn't removed because I never know when a bird might
be gone forever. I don't know as she cries at the other birds
gathering if she asked them here or if she is yelling to leave
and stay away. There is a hole melted in the vinyl porch roof
that she pops in and out of. I don't know if she is enjoying
the view or ever guarding. I don't know how a roof that only
shelters us from rain and snow has remnants of heat damage.
I don't know if she knows the robin fledglings all died, barely
feathered, ugly, scattered below the nest. I don't know if she
will be comforted to know I will also pick up any of her babies
from the pavement if they end there. I don't know if she'll see
through me as I bury them for my sake, not hers, for what I can
stomach. I don't know if this is how we survive spring this year.